I’ve always had a dream world living in my head.
I remember riding my bike to school as a child, narrating my life as I rode along like I was in my own TV Movie of the Week. Or a “This is Your Life” retrospective.
I come from a big family. I don’t mean a big-by-todays-standards-4-kid family. I have 7 siblings. So in theory I should have always had someone to hang out with; for the most part I did. We did lots of outdoors, running jumping climbing trees kinda play. Racing round the neighbourhood on bikes and skateboards. Jumping off the shed roof - well ok, I wimped out. But I was 5. Gimme a break! I just wanted to do what my big brothers were all doing! Thanks Dad for lifting me down. :OD
But somewhere in all that noise and activity I had time alone in my head. I know coz I have memories of daydreaming away. Dreaming about silly little everyday things, and big unrealistic dreams too.
And yet with all this daydreaming, I’ve never been a Planner. Case in point: the 6 kids. They just kinda kept arriving. “Oh shit honey, I’m pregnant. Again.” :O/
I find myself musing through the things I have to do in any given day. Week. Month. Even in the upcoming year sometimes when there’s something exciting coming up…ok this doesn’t happen that often! Did I mention the daydreaming?
I imagine how conversations and scenarios will play out – all the “what if’s” and “if onlys”
Maybe I’m not delusional. Maybe I’m just an incessant worrier?
Although take this situation as an example…
A little over four years ago my favourite band was finally coming back to visit our fair wee country after a LONG break, I can’t remember exactly, but it was over a decade. The last time they had visited I was a preteen, and although my parents and biggest brother were going to the concert they didn’t take me.
This time round I was absolutely gutted to discover that the dates for the concerts were when I was over 30 weeks pregnant with our twins. No way I could travel to another city and attend a concert. No matter how much I willed it, it wasn’t going to happen.
Enter the Delusions.
I wrote the band an letter via their website pleading that they change the tour dates…yeah, I know I know, but if you don’t ask you don’t know right? Yeah I hear ya. I’m delusional.
Wait it gets better.
So I figured it was a long shot. But I couldn’t stop myself imagining them knocking on my door, stopping by to say hello to a big fan who couldn’t make the concert… As if they really were gonna do that! As if they would even RECEIVE the letter! But I couldn’t stop the thoughts anytime someone knocked on my door, particularly as it got nearer to the concert dates.
In the end I got to go, although not under circumstances that I would wish on anyone.
One of their daughters got sick and they postponed the tour 6 months, and then my brother left the country and said I could have his ticket. So I got to go! YAY! And although I was still feeding the boys, my wonderful Husband (also known as Captain Awesome) watched them in a hotel room for 5 hours (and with a child who WOULD NOT take a bottle! And liked to feed every 2 hours!) while I was out living a dream!
And now I sit here at my computer writing a blog that I doubt anyone will really take much time to read. That’s the Reality Me talking.
Delusional Me is whispering in my ear “write the Blog. People will read it. And the word will spread. You’ll become famous. You will be known world over for your wit and perceptiveness. People will make it a priority to check in and read your every little word… Yes write the blog. You are important, and your mindless ramblings are insightful.”
Delusional Me also seems to think that I have the time, with 3 preschoolers, 3 school aged kids, and housework to write something witty and relevant for this thing everyday (maybe I’ll give myself the weekends off ) :OD