Monday, August 25, 2014

yeah,  so, um.....

this is about how I'm feeling at the moment. 

About most things...  :O/


And maybe not even the sex...  .

Yup.  It's a bit of a bad day or so.  

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Wallowing In Bullshit

So,

I've hit a bit of a wall.  

My youngest kid started school 5 weeks ago, which is exciting and awesome coz he's doing sooooo well with it. I wasn't sure that he was ready, I was prepared to hold off sending him (legally kids in NZ don't have to start school till they are 6 years old, just societal expectation is that they start at 5yrs). I had made plans to support him, talked to school and Playcentre so it was ok, I prepped myself so I didn't have expectations of having time to myself.....and then he started at 5 and has run with it.  He's amazing.

  I am in awe him.

And then all the other shit that has been happening in my life in the last 6-9 months (69 months? 6 TO 9 months) hit me all at once.  BAM.

It's dumb coz I thought I had processed this stuff when it happened. As it happened. I have thought about things, and re thought about them and talked to people who are smarter than me. But no. Apparently I have shit to yet deal with.

After a month of this I'm kinda a bit sick of feeling crappy. I have been fighting exhaustion and wondering if my depression is getting worse, or if it's just catching up to me after 15 years of sleep dep and preschoolers. I've thought about ways i can get myself through this, setting some fixed things into my day so that I'm not just floating through the day. I have found that altho I have 6 free hours a day I feel like I'm achieving less than I used to. So I thought I would have a nap everyday and go skating during the day, and write this more.  So far I've achieved the napping. :O/

All this is to say that I sat down twice today to write this, and had nothing  - although this post wouldn't suggest such huh?.....

Anyways, This was in the school newsletter the other week and it made me giggle..
 (it's in reference to parents parking, dropping kids off at school)
"C'mon people, we are all road users and we need to be respectful of the rules that guide us.
Everyday we have cars double parking, parking on yellow lines, parking too close to the pedestrian crossing and people being impatient. Allow me to dispel some myths; Children do not melt in the rain and they can walk more than 50m to or from the school gate, in fact it may be the only exercise they get. The last thing we want is your child, our students, being hurt.  Thanks to those behaving thoughtfully"

So glad it's not just me who thinks the way I do....  ;OD


Monday, June 9, 2014

Fancy Pants Tricks....

Well I think so...

Was at Derby the other week and did a cartwheel as part of walking back from the toilet stretch. I was a gymnast as a child and I still find cartwheels, handstands and such relaxing....*shrug* I don't question it too hard.

Anyways, a mate asked if I could do the cartwheel on wheels. I replied "ah no. You know me and balance aren't always friends!" (i have a history at derby of falling and getting wicked bruises even when I aiming to stay upright. I think it's more coz I push boundaries and my brain often thinks I can do stuff my body isn't -quite- up to!)

Five minutes later..... I think "fuckit. Challenge accepted. Now I have to bloody well try it"

And huzzah! Lookit here....








So there ya go.  I know I kinda cheated so that I wasn't really using my wheels, but *shrug*  screw you hippie, -I- can do a cartwheel on skates. 

Beat that with a stick  ;O)

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Roller Derby and other battlegrounds......

So I promised my brother that I would post about derby...... Coz I was too lazy that day to thumb type him an answer how my first tender meat bout went.


Two weeks later.......
 
                   * smh*

I dunno if I mentioned that I am part of a low contact league?...... This means we're not quite as rough as what you see for the most part out there in derby land. Don't misunderstand it's rough - you're on wheels, going fast, in a group of people - we get hurt (mostly I get hurt coz I'm unco *snerk* )  

Any hoo..... So we (Rimutaka Roller Derby) have taken to traveling to Levin to practice with the Whenua Fatales, which has been awesome for upskilling Altho have to keep in mind they are a full contact league when we use those skills back home.  They had organized a Tendermeat bout (for newly skills tested peeps - you have to train to meet a certain  standard before you can bout, for your safety and the others on the track with you) you are considered tender meat for your first 3 bouts, and only compete against other people who have bouted 3 or less times. 

Here we go in no particular order....

The Jedi Frights team

It was a bit of a thematic event....

Yeah so, i'd dropped my panty for the 2nd time....

Look mum no penalties!


My Rimutaka Roller Derby folks

Being Pivot in a jam

being short has the advantage that I can shoulder check others hips and that means I have advantage over them on balance.  yay!


Just being my usual classy self....

warm up


check out that beautiful form

and, lastly, the obligatory arse shot! you're welcome. *curtsey*

It was an amazing day - exciting, exhilarating, scary as hell and exhausting!!  Compounded slightly by fact that I've recently found out I have exercise induced asthma. I always knew exercise was evil, now I have proof!!  ;o)  I had a coupla bruises from training the week before, and they got battered a bit more, Yay!  It was awesome having B, my dad, my sister & brother in law, brother and close friend come fiend and support me. It's an interesting sport, if you don't much about it, look it up on you tube  - flat track roller derby. We are governed by World Flat Track Roller Derby Association (WFTDA) so Google that and learn more.


I am writing this on a flight to Playcentre Conference so I will add pics of derby things later. There were  a couple good ones taken.

So yes going to conference. 

Well. 

 I have put nominations in for trustee board and Co -president...and that was an interesting process. It'll be an interesting meeting too. I may come out of it with one job, or none, with the acceptance of my assn or being unwelcome there. Who knows.
 
I don't wanna go into too much detail about all that here, I will say tho that I am nervous and kinda dreading it, but also it can't come soon enough and I'm past caring and don't give  fuck about it all at once. 

That gives some idea of my mindset the  huh?

Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Amazing Colossal Squid Hat!!

So I've been meaning to write this for a while, road to hell and all....

I got this idea thanks to a link @Stitchpunk posted to as part of her morning routine on ravelery. It was an octopus scarf.   http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/epic-octopus-scarf-with-tentacles---pdf-crochet-pattern

The concept grew from there.

Anyways..... fast forward a number of conversations and a few months.....ta da!!!

I'm quite proud of it really. Even if the kid would rather sleep with it then wear it     *sigh*

Kids are so weird  o_O

Monday, April 7, 2014

Fighting For A Chance To Be Chosen

So, that was interesting..... 

I'm cautious of how much I wanna share here coz I know that this is public. But I need to process all that's going on somehow, and by writing it seems a logical thing.

 I know I have spoken before about Playcentre; being involved at a national level, and where I see my place, my usefulness in the bigger picture of this awesome organization. It's been such a huge part of my life, my kids life, my adult life, my becoming who I am today, and my strong conviction that it's time to give back.  

This is coming to a head.  And I'm not sure how I should push back on those holding me up. I respect these people immensely. I know there pulling on my brakes is action of love for me, not out of any whim to stump my journey. But I believe, and the more I learn (and boy did I learn more this weekend!) The more I believe I'm right, the more I feel I'm on the right path, the more I wonder if having the guts and strength to push back is PART of the journey. The next step that I need to complete to move forward. That maybe it's something I need to learn about. 

 And how do you know until you try??

 I know the universe will tell me unequivocally if it's not the right time - it always has in the past!! 

 So. Next steps? How to respectfully tell people that I respect that they are wrong and I need their support whether they think they should give it or not.  Hmm, should be an interesting conversation. Oh, did I mention these are people I still have to work closely with in another capacity when all is done and dusted??  Yeah, hmm, I see my hesitation and I raise you nervousness, shyness, lack of confidence and doubt.

 Fuckin awesome combo in my brain right now.... 

So I'ma sit back and enjoy this flight home coz there's nothing else I can do about ANY of this now, midair.  Not even post this!!   :oD

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Love and all that shit....

So, 530am finds me curled up in bed with Mr Monkey....

In his bed. Coz he just peed in our bed and I didn't fancy sleeping on a towel.

 But as his spindly arms curled round my neck while his legs were tucked into the curve of my fetal position I realised I. Love. My. Life.

I love cuddles with little bodies. And giggles over farts and other such silly things that we laugh about here. I love that these little beings I helped make are so gorgeous, as much as their can be little terrors. I love their ingenius crazy thought patterns. I love that their father has a totally irreverent sense of humour. And I love that I can be at home with them.

I was reflecting earlier yesterday about how here in little ole NZ, Valentines Day is about lovers. But when we watch American tv shows they talk about it being a day for telling EVERYONE you love them - lovers, partners, friends, family, siblings, the whole enchilada. 

And snuggled up with that boney warm body in a single bed this  morning I realised that yes, I have love in my life. And for that I am immensely grateful. 

Even when it drives me nutso!  :OD