Monday, September 10, 2012

Ow. Idiot.

So, I'm impatient. And currently a little frustrated and feeling stuck. So I resorted to my teenage pattern of piercing my ears when life felt out of my control... Stupid stupid stupid idea.

the actual piercing was ok. I just forgot I suck at not fiddling with shit. ESP inflamed theresapossibiltyofpusinthere shit.

Dumbass that I am. You may have already picked up on this.....

Now my ear has been like this for 2 days

And loathe as I am to take it out and start the process all over, out Fucken hurts   :-(

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Minor Epiphany

Or is it Major.... time will tell I guess.

I got back from netball with the Girl this morning, realising that there is washing to do, changing handtowels, washing to fold, kitchen to clean, lunch to organise probably, and dinner..... plus I would like to work on my assignment. I've only been trying to finish Te Awa (Course 4 of the Playcentre Diploma) for 6 years now *sigh*

Going to Graduation last night, seeing others who have been around less time than me finish, get awards and recognition, made me realise that even if I don't finish it all the way (thru to Course 6) I would very much like to finish Te Awa. Even if I'm not enjoying doing it so much, which may be why it's taking me so long. But also I have had 3 kids in that time, shifted house, essentially had a breakdown, plus been active at my centre and Association, so it's not like I've just been lazing around. But still. It's kinda sad. Coz I know this shit. I've already got one degree, it's not like I can't do Diploma level work.

Anyways, that wasn't the epiphany. It was this.

I'm a housewife right? My JOB is housework. B goes out to work. The kids go out to School. I am here.  My work is here. I don't get that break on the weekends that they all get. This is partly why I feel stuck in a rut (and that always feels worse on when I'm tired!) 

I don't get a "Weekend"  like most working people do. I work 24/7/365.  

Not wonder I'm buggered and sick of it all.  Wanting to escape for a week at least! and sleep, or just do the things -I- want to do. 

Not that that is logistically possible. *sigh*

So. where to from here?  I guess I need to talk with the Admiral really. Not a conversation I am looking forward to, I feel like I have been asking for lots in the last year, sounding tired and whingey a lot in that time too.....but needs must.  *sigh* 

So that was my epiphany for today. It really does follow on from my last post even tho I wasn't thinking of that when it occurred to me. 

Here's hoping I can enjoy this gorgeous weather we have, have some fun with the kids and husband, and friends. Then face next week feeling even just a little refreshed, even if I can't see that now.

For now, I think I'll go hang out the washing, even tho it's Padawan's job. I just can't be arsed fighting him to do it..... *sigh*