Thursday, November 11, 2010

yes it's official I'm crazy

It's a beautiful sunny day and I've esentially locked my kids inside watching tv.

To be fair, I got burnt yesterday when watching them in the paddling pool (not a lot burnt thankfully, and they seem to be ok), and I know that if I let them out they will happily play in the ice cold water for hours hot sun be damned!

So this is me being a good parent, shutting them in.

Also, to add to the crazy diagnosis I have been thinking lately about my life, as one does, trying to work out why I feel so BLARGH a lot of the time. why little things make me crazy (see monday's post)...

I was out at the Hutt Association AGM last night, surrounded by these amazing people who are all so passionate about Playcentre being a great thing that they have dedicated a large amount of their time to making it be a better place, a greater thing.  This is awesome.  Coming home in the car listening (and singing along)  to Brooke Fraser I realised that she is also very passionate about what she does. Maybe this is what is missing from my life at the moment?

Chatting with a friend yesterday we touched on the fact that being at home with kids, providing for their everyday kids can be a job that doesn't feel like you are contributing to things. You get to the end of the day feeling like you haven't "done" anything. Which was what I was trying to explain to myself with an earlier post, I "do" soooo much in a day, I am perpetually busy, have things on my To Do List that never seem to go away no matter how often I complete the task. Yet I feel dissatisfied. I feel like I have no purpose.

I am no use to anyone in this state that's for sure.

So what am I passionate about?  Getting women better birth stories = midwifery.  Anyone who knows me well knows not to start a conversation about birthing stuffs, coz I have strong opinions (from my own experience and from people I have met), and I WILL SHARE THEM!   I also love books - I am happy and peacful in the library. I have to restrain myself from getting more out whenever I visit. I love the sound of opening a new book, when the spine gives that little creak, the smell, the feel of the pages....I love to lose myself in the story even if it is a badly written cheap trashy romance novel.  A friend recently got a parttime job at our local library, as excited as I was for her I realised I was *jealous* too!!

So that leaves the other thing I am passionate about - Playcentre.  I cannot imagine my life without it, even when it drives me mental - like Captain Awesome Pants, he is wonderful but no always easy to live with (mind you, neither am I!).  I cannot imagine my children with out Playcentre. They have gained so much, learnt so much, grown so much thanks to all the wonderful people, adults and children, who we have met over the last 10 years. I also could not imagine them in any other environment, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that my big kids still have a place at Playcentre, even though we no longer attend the same one they went to. And they love Playcentre too.  It's a beautiful thing. 

I know there is no way to quantify all that our family has gained from Playcentre, although we do often count how much I have given - my time; my energy; my time when I am already tired; when my kids, my husband needs me too.  I do know without a doubt that it has all been worth it, and that my heart is there. Playcentre feels like home to me in so many ways.

So to that end, I am adding to my crazy hectic life by putting myself forward to be a part of the Association team.  I'm not so sure of the details yet. I was asked if I wanted to be secretary,  my pedant heart loves to get all those things into place, I like order.  As I said the AGM was last night, the previous secretary stepped down, but I have a child with Developmental Delay who starts school next year who will need some settling, and stuff.  So I'm not quite sure how it will work, but I have asked for the job description, we'll go from there.  If it makes me happier, and therefore nicer to be around for Captain and the clan, then the busy-ness it brings will be for the good.

And that's all that's really important.  :OD


  1. My darling delusional friend, you are truly salt of the earth! You've certainly add a lot of colour to my life and I don't see you that often. And yay to have someone to talk in circles with about birthy stuff! xx