Away and Back Again.

Not that you probably noticed I was missing.....

I was away on the weekend at Playcentre Conference. An awesome opportunity to catch up with other people who are passionate about Playcentre!  YAY!!

Along with refuelling my emotional/spiritiual tank though was late nights, and weirdly one VERY early morning.  Yup, Saturday saw me on Kapiti beach at dawn while some friends swam. I'm not *THAT* crazy!! It was, I have to say, gorgeous. It's been a while since I've seen a sunrise and there was quite a spectacular one put on display. Plus, pretty much deserted beach? Niiiiiice.

What else? there is too much, let me sum up.
I got my face painted. 

I got to share silly jokes with awesome parents. (Conference had a "survivor" theme)

I got to play my uke, share my knowledge, look like I know shit (when discussing the new constitution!) and absorb learning from other wise people. Also, I got to compare notes with those who have gone before me, who have stepped in these footprints already and can reassure me that it's ok, it will work out, it will be worth it in the end.

And then I got home to my Tribe of Lunatics.....I'm shattered!!  3 days of being home and it doesn't stop! I guess that's mumhood for ya, a neverending battle of houseworking & loving.

And really? I don't think I'd change it for the world....

Well, maybe for some uninterrupted sleep  ;OD

Yeah, This. Awesome.

So, on the toes of the drugs, I can sing this with feeling now.

Plus it's a really awesome album.  I love it. LOVE IT!
 
Yay  :OD

 

Loving The Chemicals

So a couple of weeks ago now (yeah yeah yeah I've been trying to write this post for a while now, you'll understand why it's taken me so long by the end of it....) 

a couple of weeks ago I bit the bullet. I went to the docs and asked for help with working out why I've been feeling so crap for so long. Dragging my arse around. You know what I'm talking about, coz I've been in a funk, I've whinged about it I'm sure.

So the consensus was that I have depression, potentially brought on by exhaustion. Can't imagine how that happened ;O)


So I got some drugs. Within aday of taking them I felt better. My head felt clearer and altho I was *physically* still tired I didn't feel like I was dragging my body around. The weight had lifted. Had a conversation about this with my brother, he commented it "was just the chemicals"  that I still have to change my habits, rest more and all that.


I know this. And yet. I'm LOVING the chemicals!!

Still feeling exhausted physically. had a sleep day on friday. Now if I could only get Monkey to sleep thru the damn night I could really work at kicking this sucker to the curb baby! :O/

with that in mind, seeing as he had me up half the night, I'm off to have a bath. Look after me time. Dude is home sick, so he can watch Monkey for a while.

Sounds fair right??  ;OD 

Stuck on Replay

Thanks to the twitter I came across a song. It's probably one you've heard already, but I don't listen to the radio - the constant ads and talk crap drives me to distraction!

So, here is the first version I heard, it's not the original but I love these guys. The way they play, how much they must have practised to get it right. And wow,  the instrumentation!

Then a friend posted this version the other day.  This is the artist. I was a little unsure that I liked it at first. I like the guitar version, but I was a little transfixed by the video I have to say.

And the more I watch it, the more I like. I love the xylophoney glockenspiel thingy in the background, I LOVE the way Goyte and Kimbra are acting not just singing......now I have it on repeat, waiting for payday so I can go out and buy the album so I can listen to it without sucking down internet useage.

See what you think...  :OD

 

Funky

So, hmmm,  been in a bit of a funk lately. 

I say lately. pffft. I think it's been brewing for a while - when I really think about it, it's been since I sprained my ankle in November last year. So 5 months. *phew*

Some of it is frustration that it's taken so damn long to heal. and that's making me cranky I guess.
I really should just let it go. it'll take as long as it takes. Plus as my brother likes to point out, maybe it's taking so long for a reason, that I need to slow down.

I slowed down. I have stood down from my position at my Playcentre, I'm still doing the Association stuff, but that's fairly light.  And now it's school holidays.....

Now it feels like my day is rotating around feeding kids, baking bread and washing. Endless washing.  I guess with 6 kids there is a LOT of washing anyways.....

Been trying to think of something to blog about, coz I've kinda hit a wall. You may have noticed I don't post much anymore. Mostly coz I don't think I have anything interesting to say. I never wanted this to be another whiney mum at home blog. There are plenty of them out there as it is......

Except that it means when all I do, well most of what I do is housework, well. There's only so many times I can post about that. So I'm waiting for something exciting, noteworthy, or even slightly interesting to happen to post about.  And watching the news just does my head in, it's either nonsense stories - "celebrities" or sports, or stuff that just makes me lose my faith in humans. I can't write about that and stay sane.

Maybe I should lower my sights a bit. Post shorter stories, tell you funny anecdotes....

like Admiral Awesome referred to himself as "Grand Admiral A Man" :O)  and he continues to mock the fact that I have an online life at all. He "live tweets"  "I'm going to the lounge now. turning on the tv. eating some chips"   funny man.  Good thing I love him.

anyways, so that's why I've been quiet lately. Again. 

I hope to have things to share again.   :O)

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

Alternate title: "Crash And Burn".....

I had a pretty shit week last week.  it was a culmination of things, least of which, but probably most influentially, lack of sleep over too long a period. Years. 

Monkey is mostly sleeping thru now, but I've been at this parenting thing for a while now (Padawan is at college/high school now) - so if you add it up, that = FUCKLOADS OF LOST SLEEP. 

And they lie. You can never catch up. not properly.

Annnnnnyways. In imploding I discovered I have some very cool family and friends.  

I would be lost without them. truly. We, Admiral and I, would be lost without them. I don't know how my parents raised us all without a network of people to steal us away to let them rest. I take my hat off to my parents. *doff*

So part of my crazy busy week that led to hiding away at home for a couple days (now, I realise to some people this doesn't sound like a crash and burn. Everyone is different. We all have different limits. You're just gonna have to trust me that I reached mine. Or near enough that it was scary. Time for intervention by me, before professionals needed calling in), was picking up a thing for a friend.  And we had planned to catch up later in week to transfer said thing for $$ but it didn't happen.

I saw her yesterday. She not only had $ for the toys I had picked up, she had a care package for me.  Awwwwwww!!  Chocolate, chocolate biscuits and maltexo!  So O for AWESOME  :OD

I was texting her this morning, to thank her again and I had an epiphany! 
Beads of Love from Friends :O)


confused? I'll give some background..... a while back this gorgeous friend was showing me her labour photos, we were catching up as only mums can do and she showed me her Labour Beads that friends had made her. They were this neat necklace of beads, each from a different friend who was with her in spirit during a time when a woman really needs support. I thought at the time it was such an awesome idea. 


Later a friend showed me her Playcentre Education Beads. Similar idea but she had made her own necklace, with a different bead for every assignment completed getting her Playcentre Early Childhood Diploma (6 courses!)  


Anyone who knows me, has met me, knows I love me my jewellery, esp shiny things! But chunky, funky and bright is super too! And I keep things that people have given me, when I feel low I wear things B has given me, to remind me I am loved. I also have a bull charm on a necklace that is my "bullshit deflector" which I wear most days, but esp to tricky places!!


So, here's my idea - a challenge even - to gather beads from all my friends, those who want to anyways, and make a Beads of Love necklace that I can wear. A way to remind myself that altho I may feel alone, down, crappy, whatever....I am still loved. I still have value. 


For the times I can't remember it for myself, I will have a physical reminder.


And if you wanna do this for a friend of yours who needs to know they are loved and supported, then I challenge you to gather up beads and make them a gift of LOVE  :OD
 

this is me processing....

Regardless of what life keeps throwing at me, I'm not a natural leader.

I'm naturally shy. I don't meet new people easily. I like people, in general. I like to be around them, and I definitely "recharge" by being around them, but people I know.

There is history behind this post, what life has been throwing at me lately, but I won't bore you with the details. I don't want this to be a whiny post. I just need somewhere to talk through my thoughts really.....

I posted on The Facebook recently that I'm shy. Half the people who responded didn't believe me. I think the fact that I have coloured hair and dress like I dress in the dark sometimes doesn't mean I'm confident - it's a fucken facade. I do it to GIVE myself confidence, NOT that I have it already. 


In the last year I have done a couple of personality/behavioural typing courses - what I got most from it?  I hate HATE being put in a box. My skin crawls when someone says "well, you reacted, you did this because you're an X. They always react that way." 


No one can see in my head, no one but me knows why I act the way I do. And just because I may have a particular bent, doesn't preclude me learning about it and changing for the better. It is possible to fight your natural instincts. 


I may have leadership leanings. I may be a person who likes to get things done. But I am also a person with strong "people pleasing" needs - so I don't want to get things done so bad that I would trample on others. 


Also, if I am part of a group shouldn't we all be learning & growing & changing so that we can be our best, work together effectively toward our common goal? And fuck. COMMUNICATE effectively so that we can HAVE THE SAME FUCKEN GOAL!

But you know what? I don't care if I am in a leadership position, I will lead by example, but I don't think I can be the only one learning, changing , growing. I'm not that strong. If you have any ideas of how to survive that, then you're a wiser person than me.

Altho, I think we already covered that that isn't that hard to achieve - I'm faking it anyways.


a little while later.....after some ruminating & chatting to Admiral Awesome.....
So, B questioned whether I want a rant out there in the interspere, but I don't think there's anything in here that I would regret sharing. I try to be fairly open and honest in my everyday life. For the most part what you see on The Facebook, The Twitter and real life is the real me. 

Also?  Listening to this track helped me some....  >:O)