Monday, February 3, 2014

A little lost...

So things are a changing again.... As is always the way in life.  Well my life anyways it seems....

And I find as I ruminate on these changes upcoming, that I am unsure where I fit in this puzzle.

Things have to change. I know this. I see the need for these changes. But but but I had an idea of where I stood in the picture that was painted. I can't yet see where I fit in this nebulous painting in progress.

I also find myself biting my tongue in some situations, some groups of people, that I never would have in  the past. Say 6 months ago.  I find myself feeling like the words I say are wrong, not needed, or when I am really maudlin - unnecessary. Thinking "Why did I bother putting myself out there?"

This isn't how I like to be.  This isn't a frame of mind I like to have. I wake each day with the goal of being positive, being upbeat again.... then run into a  'wall'

And the more it happens, the more I think "you know what? I'm out." And step back from my volunteer roles. At all but the lowest level.

But even that chaffs with my personal philosophy (or whatever you call what you believe in.....) = if I say I'm gonna do something, I need to do it. I like to be reliable. It's kinda a base part of who I am.

So where do I go from here?  How do I marry the need, and it is becoming quite an urgent need, to change, with where my place is in this brave New World??

Any suggestions welcome, coz I'm floundering  o_O

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