This. Just This.

Heya,

just a wee earworm for your monday.....

you can thank me in chocolate  ;O)

Is This Normal??

Of late I find myself very quickly getting grumpy....this is partly coz I've been sick this last week, right on top of the family having a stomach bug. Everyone is tired. I can rationalise that part. No problem.

Also a contributing factor is Monkey going thru a really clingy stage. We have managed to get him out of our bed at night, by shutting him in his bedroom. But he has taken to breastfeeding again (god knows he probably is only getting comfort from that!) and almost needing an hours worth of cuddles with me in the evening. I am happy to do this, if it's what he needs, I get kids his age (3) can't often articulate their needs, or the WHY of what their needs are. This I am fine with. 

It's the grizzling and whiney for the rest of the day that's driving me nutso.

Coupled with this, the kids are arguing over their lego a lot lately. now, let's put it into perspective we have FUCK LOADS of lego......about this much.

Well, that's in one room....it used to be the office. But Admiral is building lego stuffs now, so I can't sit at my desk.


This is the kids room....
  
One of the kids rooms. 

If memory serves there are bits in the other kids room too, plus I couldn't fit it all in frame here  *LeSigh*

So, when the Lunatics start arguing that "he stole the piece that I need" I REALLY don't have a lot of patience for it. It's more than slightly ridiculous. It's fucken selfish bullshit is what it is.

*SIGH*

I hate feeling frustrated and cranky, so I think about it a lot, trying to find the root *snigger* cause of the feelings, so I can fix it change it make it better go back to feeling good about my life. Coz I have lots of good in my life. 

Like friends who visit even when we're sick to make me laugh. Help me decide on the best way to reconfigure a necklace so i have funky earrings as well as a cool necklace!!

see? cool dangly earrings too!!  ;O)

And a wonderful husband who lets me buy skates so I can do roller derby - which is SO MUCH FUCKING FUUUUNN!!


I'm loving it so hard. And not just coz it's an excuse to where my normal outfits in public without feeling out of place (not that I let that stop me usually). Its a great group of people who have made me feel welcome, a part of the group. Plus I am kicking arse at upskilling too, which always makes one feel good no?

oh yeah, a pic of my cute skates  

and they are sooo awesome to skate in. It's sucked being sick coz I've only got out on them once. :O(  Now to clean out and possibly replace the bearings so the wheels move smoother. then to build up my derby skates.....it's addictive I can tell you. But I love it!!

Then I get home & frustration sets in. I've tried to figure out why....the only thing I can come up with is it *feels* like I'm the only one doing housework. Which I know, when I think rationally about it, is a slight exaggeration - the kids do help out. I just have to remind them. Which again, rationally, is fair. But I don't think I think of them as "kids" not "my kids" anyways. They are the people I live with. So I live with 7 other people and it feels like I'm the one working my arse off.

Which is also unfair to Admiral. Coz he works hard at work. But I guess I don't see that.... and I can't go out and walk into a job that earns what he earns, or we would swap in a heartbeat. We've talked about this more than once. He hates working, but he couldn't breastfeed....  Also, I know we are well blessed that he earns enough that I don't have to work, that I can be at home with the kids. 

So why am I so ungrateful and frustrated by my role in life? the role I CHOSE??

and more importantly, is this normal?? After being at home with kids for 13 years, is it normal to hit a rut like this?? 

And what can I do to make it ok again? to enjoy this again?? Coz I know I am blessed and like being an at home mum.....

Have been listening to Pink's Funhouse album a lot lately, as I might have mentioned in a previous post....there are so many songs, so passionately sung that really resonate with me. There is one that includes these lines....

"I'm off to see the doctor, I hope she has a cure, I hope she makes me better, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???"

And that's really how I feel about this depression thing I've been going thru. What does "better" look like for me? Until I know that I don't know that I can move forward....

Cup Of Tea??

Why, yes I think I shall. 

It's been a full on day,  tried to start the toilet train thing with Monkey (again) and he threw a huge hissy fit, took off his undies and was carrying round a nappy.

Stubborn little bugger.

So, yes a cup of tea would be lovely!

How about this one??  :OD

Sunday Sunday....

Yeah, I know I'm misquoting horribly.  

My blog. I can do what I want.  which is a nice change.  This has been a week of NOT doing what i want. Between sick kids, then me being sick.....bleurgh.

Not cool.

And I dunno that I have much to share today, but I"m kinda sat on the couch with my laptop trying not to move too much as last time I did that (I got up to clean up a bit) I felt ill. Not cool....

So, some musings. it's odd that with all of us living in this house together, and reasonably closely by NZ standards (the kids all share rooms, 3 a piece) that we don't get sick more often. More odd is that this time round EVERYONE BUT MONKEY has been sick.  Unless he was unwell just managed to have such a mild dose that he didn't hurl like the rest of us did.  Must be all that sand he's eaten and playing outdoors when wet he does at Playcentre. Or something.

Then another oddity, my whole life I've been told dairy is BAD when you've an upset tummy. So much so my kids aren't allowed milk (their staple drink) while recuperating, just as we weren't as kids.  But check this....guess what has settled my stomach these last coupla days?  Cheese. Cheese on kruskits with vegemite no less.

FUCKEN VEGEMITE. The thing i used to eat maybe once or twice a year, coz that's the only time I would want it.....I've been eating it heaps lately. by heaps I mean sometimes 3 times a day. That's just weird. 

And NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. Fuck off with ya. 

But on the upside altho I've still been completely fucked body wise and energy level wise of late, I haven't had a cold sore in a while, and that I believe I owe to all the Vit B I've been ingesting thanks to vegemite.  Wicked.  I'll take that little bit of good news.

So now that i've rambled for a bit, I will bid you adieu otherwise I will type nonsense all day long in a bid to pass the day.....  Fun for me, perhaps not so much for you.

Thanks again for reading. I noticed the other day that I've almost been blogging for 2 years, which altho is not as long as some, it's quite an achievement for me no?

:OD

Apparently I Can Sleep When I'm Dead....

At least that's what it's looking like, if you look back at the last coupla weeks *sigh*

It seems that Monkey has an inbuilt alarm that wakes him in the evening JUST as Admiral and I are about to go to bed.  not cool.

then Friday night I was awoken by Admiral "Ninja has thrown up"  Awesome. 

Admiral doesn't do cleaning up vomit. well, not without adding to it. So up I got. Gorgeous boy that Ninja is when I walked in the room he pointed at the biggest puddle and said "that came from my mouth"  Cute.  Then of course he was feeling better, you always do after puking, so he wanted to chat.  I'd had all of about 2 hours sleep at this stage, wasn't feeling so chatty myself as I scraped the lumps off the carpet. 

Altho, handy tip time - I discovered if you add baking soda to the water you use to clean it up, the smell is VASTLY reduced. Win.

So this is what some of the room looked like....poor wee lad

And this is what greeted me when I went to wash my hands.....Yummy. Upchuck all over the light switch.  Thanks Ninja.

Needless to say that he was singing my song "Baaaawwbb!"  "Rrrraaaaalphh"  for the next coupla hours. Bless him he managed to get the spill into the bucket each time.  Then would snuggle down to sleep again.

Next day he slept and slept, had a high fever then slept a bit more. I realised he's a lovely patient and I wouldn't mind him getting sick more often. He doesn't usually get sick. Is fairly resilient. 

Next day his resilient sister puked. Followed the same pattern....by that I mean, the illness did. Puke puke puke puke bile puke tummy cramps high fever. 

Why do kids always spew at night time???

Altho to be fair, SirTalks threw up on himself the toilet. Yay no carpet to clean!! :OD

Then Dude made it in the bowl, and Padawan threw up on way home from school, on public area grass. I strangely didn't feel the need to go clean that up. *phew*  

We have been The House Of Puke this week. Which is my usual longwinded way of saying once again, I'm exhausted. And it's means outside of my control. We had no hurling last night, but Monkey did his waking up at my bed time thing. So once again I'm sleep deprived. 

I will be grateful tho that due to the sick, quarantined kids we have no where to be today, and I can spend all day online (inbetween washing juggling - and I don't have to feel guilty about using the drier neither. thanks RAIN!!) listening to P!nk super loud on my headphones as the kids watch tv.  there's only 3 home today. Progress

Maybe next week I'll get more sleep than usual, and will wake feeling able to cope with life.  A girl can dream huh?  Meanwhile I will leave you with this that I have been enjoying, I dunno why. Maybe I wish I was a rock star??

Actually I've been enjoying this whole album. Love this lady!  :O)

Nifty Things

So. I kinda dropped my phone on the weekend. Ewps. Killed it.

Big time.

And Admiral Awesome  is awesome and worked out how we  can afford a Fancy Paants phone for me.

So that's a nifty thing.

So is spending the day watching gymnastics with my sis being snarky armchair judges. NIFTY fun.

Lastly is im writing this on my nifty new phone   :-D