I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!

So, yes we survived!  and we returned, and we haven't even killed any of the kids! So all is good.

I had plans to write a wonderful post for you today full of pics and stories from our trip away, but it's hot. ugh muggy hot. I have spent the last 20 minutes chasing a Ninja to put pants on after a bath, and frankly I can't be naffed writing now. Plus there is washing to hang out, y'know make rain while the sun shines. Wait, that can't be right.

Oh look, my brain is melting out my ear in this heat.  I might go wade in the paddling pool.....

Actually, I'ma gonna be a Good Mum and read stories to the Dynamic Duo so that we can return them and they will at least have been opened once!!

I promise to sort the photos and write witty stories for you all over the next few days to tell the tales of our adventures.  Thanks for your patience. 

Ugh. Hot.  too hot.   blergh.   :O/  

Off the Grid....in more ways than one!

hello my lovelies!!

Hey, so firstly apologies to anyone who was looking for yesterday's post. Um, yeah it didn't happen. I mentioned that we're going away right? That's tomorrow, and yesterday was crazy busy with things I had to do: doc appt for 2 boys; an extra meeting or two (wtf?); and banging my head against my keyboard trying unsuccessfully to get the laptop I usually work on to connect to internet.  ack.

Today's post comes to you in association with the words "grr", "fuckyouyouuselesspieceofshit!", the lilting rhythm of a puter being slammed shut - yet again- and the dulcit tones of Prodigy as I try to type with this retched icky keyboard at the desktop computer and not lose my mind.......   

Yeah good luck with that I hear you say.  :O/

May I just say, the Prodigy is helping.  here see if it doesn't help your day some. 

ooh! and 6 minutes and counting till the water goes off for 4 hours. Yea-up it's all fun and games here. I know you're jealous!  *wink* Whining cildren are certainly helping me focus.  I'm sure I had a purpose, a post idea in mind when I sat down....surely I did?  I wouldn't entertain you with a stream of consciousness dribbling blather about my day? Oh yeah, I might just do that.

But! NO. Today I came, hat in hand to tell you I will be off the grid this week, and not just coz the computer is being a *stretches neck* unhelpful piece of technology.  It is because I am not taking my laptop away with me. I sady wouldn't know how to connect in interweb away from home anyways. Yes I see you Dad and brother(s) rolling your eyes at my incompetence.  Deal with it.  I also have no photos today as they are on the laptop, and the camera has flat batteries, and the shopping hasn't arrived yet.

yup just full of excuses today. that's me. can't even be arsed with capital letters now.....
*looks around* can't find good help anywhere! 

I have packed my notebook and the camera tho, so I promise a lovely few stories of our time away. But I plan to relax with good friends, Captain Awesome and Monkey. It's a much needed break.

Here's to it all going smoothly *raises glass* - the kids left behind at home, and our adventure in The Big City   ;OD

calm before the storm

So we're going away up north next week, just me, Captain Awesome and Monkey.  

But that's not till next week. So altho there is a bunch of stuff I need to do, want to do to get the house ready for us (well, essentially me the Housewifely Extraordinaire) not being here, it's too soon. Things I wanna do so that it's not so hard on my parents looking after The Clan. Things like cleaning the bathroom, washing sheets, vacuuming, getting as much washing done as possible, and to a certain extent packing our stuff can't really be done yet. There are too many days yet to pass.

And so I sit in a fit of limbo. My head swirling with the lists of things I have to remember, looking at the actual lists of things to do making sure I haven't missed anything, adding things to it - even minute things that I know I won't forget but want to write down just in case my brain melts out my ear at the last minute.  *points to self* Dork.  I am poised to strike, to complete tasks and cross them off....but for now, there's nothing much to do.

It's a strange state, and one that I don't particularly enjoy. It makes me cranky (I think that is the term oh Captain, my Captain would use. It's a technical term, doncha know?  *wink*)  I know that in a day or two I will be a whirlwind of activity and then we will be off, leaving our beloved babies (yes we do think of them this way. The Beloved, not the baby. Sometimes!) behind in the safe care of their grand-parentals and we can relax and enjoy the time away.

my washing pile/couch at low tide

 But not yet. For now we have limbo.... today I noticed these things while wandering my house thinking I had much to do, then realising most of it I could not do, and then feeling a little lost I must admit.  It was odd. It is odd.   But I know that this feeling too shall pass.

I'm sorry Googlemaps, which blue line do I follow? fucktard.

A little boy has been busy - a parking attendant in training!

Bring on the plane ride *bounce* 
catching up with a beloved longtimenotseen friend, her family and her wee boy I havenotyetmet *yay* 
and the U2 concert *squeee*  
plus y'know, time with 2 of my fav boys.  :OD

well that can't be helping

Got outside & it's windy *sigh*

Slap me upside the head with a cold fish knock me off the wharf.  yup just like this   I'm speechless.

and now read on as I rant my wordlessness  *wink*  ah the irony!! (unless I've used that wrong - I know that bugs the purists - then you're allowed to slap me)

I was out this morning with Monkey, stopped at My Happy Place a.k.a The local Library, then off to do some errands while I had just one monster in tow.  The library is opposite the local police station and there is a pedestrian crossing on the road kinda between them. On my way back to the car after completing things I watched a mother & child cross near the crossing but not on it. This kinda thing steams my undies, coz it's just not good modelling. Kids will do as you do so much more often than they do as you say..... and fuckit I don't wanna have the misfortune of being the one who hits your kid who is crossing in a fucktarded unsafe place coz you are too lazy to teach them to follow the rules!!  *big breath*

Every day I dodge stupid children crossing the main road of our town/city coming home from school. Children who are old enough to know better. Children who can see the pedestrian crossing, but think they can cross safely here thankyouverymuch.  I have on occasion yelled out the window of my car at them, mostly when I am driving and think they are about to land up under my wheels. I would hate to hit someone. Even a stupid someone. 

I don't need to be breaking someone's heart by taking away their child.


Everytime I yell at someone (either inside the car, or actually out the window at them) I then have a BIG discussion with my kids. Using the moment to teach them. They know now that they must use crossings. And to how to use crossings safely. They also know if I "ever hear of or see you crossing the road not at a crossing I will kick your arse. Even if you are 18 I will still kick you arse!" Hopefully I am raising kids smart enough to think safety first. Time will tell....

But that's not what astounded me.  I then watched 2 policemen (well they walked out of the station with sunglasses on, carrying hardback notebooks - they had a very Detectivey Air about them) as they exited the cop shop and crossed the road 2 metres or less from the pedestrian crossing.  I was thisclose, I swear thisclose, to yelling at them. I know! That makes me a certifiable Crazy Lady. But I ask you what the FUCK?! I did swear out loud (just not loud enough for them to hear me).  Then, THEN one of them wandered back over the road to chat with some other policey looking plain clothes people!?!

I pondered, stewed, reflected, ruminated on this and my reaction to it as I made our way back to our van. This is the thing.....If the people who's job it is to enforce the law, act in a way that reflects that they think the law doesn't apply to them, then where the hell are we??

And is it any wonder our nation, our world is in such disarray??  

There are rules for a reason. We need to follow them for the Common Good.  Or is this an outdated concept? I'm not saying we should all be sheep "baaaaaaaaa", some individuality is a Good Thing. What has happened that we have so many of us grown up thinking that the Rules don't apply to us.  *shakes head*  That way madness lies. And anarchy.  And that's NOT a Good Thing.  

 this is funny tho....was getting ready to leave this morning and saw the kids had been playing with a Zurg toy or two.
It was posed in all innocence I'm sure, but it just seems wrong somehow....  :OD 

you gotta love days like these

Wednesday = Playcentre duty day, so we dress a little crazy, in our old clothes and days like today when it's beautiful we make the most of it. 

All my wee ones LOVE water, so we get wet and muddy. This morning we started in the sandpit coz SirTalksALot wanted to make a river. I wish I had got a pic coz we made a HUGE river wriggling it's way around and about, but I was too busy playing to stop and take photos.  I dug, SirTalks directed but also helped dig, Ninja came over with the hose to fill up the river, and a whole bunch more kids came to help too, including Monkey - who stepped in the river and was wet for the rest of the session. Altho this was probably because it's nigh on impossible to keep that kid out of water. He would play in puddles on the street if I let him. In fact he has tried to play in the gutter one morning when we were getting out of the car  *sigh* 

Monkey in his natural habitat

Ninja flooding the sandpit - every day!

So we used pipes and spades, and a rubbish bag to line a hole to make a lake (it wasn't as successful as I had hoped, but worked to some degree), old guttering, our hands, placing boats and cars in the river.......then had to rebuild and diverge the river as Ninja was experimenting with erosion and washed a bunch of silt (sand - we do learning as we play) into the river blocking it.  

Later in the session we were continuing an activity from last week - Making Potions!!  Last week I sat on the ground with the kids to do this, but somehow ended up sitting in a puddle of vinegar so big that I had to go home and change my pants. hrm, not so classy....   It's hard to see from the pic, but the whole back of my pants are wet... cool. I'm fairly sure it was Ninja who is mostly responsible as he was sitting behind me and kept tipping out his bowl then asking for more vinegar - thanks dude!

Collecting ingredients - kids helped but can't show pics cos they're not my kids!

SO!  This week we set things up on a table. Much smarter.  First things first tho, we gathered ingredients - thankfully the kids were keen to help! We set out magic water and powder (BS & vinegar); dragon's blood, frog pee & essence of sky (red, yellow & blue dye); flowers; ground worms (bark); pixie dust - made from crushed pixies don't cha know (glitter); and some crushed marshmallow clouds (cornflour).  From all this the kids picked what they wanted and mixed it all up - of course we had to fling our capes about, our heads back and laugh "AHAHAHA"  "abracadabra" then give it a big stir for the potions to work! 

Also the kids just went crazy, mixing like mad wee things and making one helluva mess. But that's the joy of Playcentre - none of it was a mess on my floor!  And we just hosed everything off onto the grass. My kinda magic  :OD


I love Playcentre sessions like this coz the sun is shining (I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder I really do), and we have so much fun, the kids are engaged and so the time flies!  So I feel young again, which is always great, plus I feel like I've been a good parent. Even if only for that 2 1/2 hours.  And it gives me the energy to continue plodding on once we get home and things like the Dinner Hell Hour commences.  


Why do we call it that when it goes for 2 hours?


And how come when I'm driving over a narrow hill road I  breathe in hoping it will make the van fit thru the gap?!   Delusional, that's me!!   ;OD

If my body wasn't dying today

if you were paying attention yesterday you would have noted the captions on the photos - Yes I do a dance class and a Zumba class. 

The dance on Saturday is an adult Jazz class, it's lotsa fun. I took it up as I used to pre-monkey do a jazz class where we lived then. I even sat my Grade 3 exams. I think I might have even got Honours. I know I passed which was enough for me! And we all say Hurrah for Low Expectations!!

The Zumba I was a little more hesitant about doing, as although it looks like fun on the ads, it seemed totally naff to me to admit to be doing something that's on an ad on tv. A fad.  But as a friend posted after attending a class doing anything that involves moving is good, so much more if you enjoy it!!  I think the enjoyment means that you are more likely to keep doing it.

This is in part why I'm not a fan of exercise in general - I don't enjoy it.  But dancing I have long enjoyed, although the formalised stuff is new to me.  I gave Zumba a shot coz it's part dance, funky music and we have a really enthusiastic teacher (it's at the same place as my jazz classes).  Sadly in the last two months, for various reasons I haven't been able to make my monday night habit. I thought I was ok with this until I went last night and realised how much I had missed it.  I feel like an uncoordinated noob  but there is a great sense of achievement when I get a sequence of steps sorted.  YAY!!

I had also forgotten what a work out it is.  Boy am I feeling it today. My wings hurt (you know those muscles under your arms). 

See that red spot, that's where the splinter was

3 cuts on one finger. Yep I ROCK  :O/

Also I got a splinter in my foot yesterday, although I removed it once I knew it was there (I had thought I was just getting a blister *dork*) my foot hurt for the rest of the day.  And I cut my finger in three places trying to attach the hose thingy to the waterslide for the kids.

Why am  I telling you this? What has it to do with Zumba?  Not a lot. I just want sympathy coz I hurt  :O/  Also I was going to start by saying I wouldn't be writing a lot today as I am sore in various places, but that's kinda redundant now huh??   ;OD

you think I'd know better

Heading to dance on Sat morn

After nearly 12 years as a mum you think I would have my shit together, that I had faced pretty much every obstacle, or at least the main ones. 

But no. I had a new moment today. Quite possibly the worst thing to happen as a mum.

I think I ate my kids shit.  

Yeah you read that right.  I think I ate shit. It was that or left over vegemite sandwich. I'm gonna tell myself it was vegemite sandwich, on wholemeal. Otherwise I'm never gonna stop *shuddering*  

I know I've eaten shit metaphorically many many times in my career as a parent.  It comes with the Job Description.  But I have managed to be awake enough so far to avoid doing it literally. Until today  *facepalm*

When I was a young mum I used to get a parenting magazine, I had time then to read it all, and would do so religiously garnering along the way many tips and laughs.  One story that has stuck with me was a letter from a parent about the eating habits of mums - you know, how we don't eat properly coz there's no time, we pick at our kid's leftovers - kind of a vacuuming eating thing. Kill two birds with one stone. I can see the benefit there.....  Anyways, one days this woman was clearing the table and noticed a couple of raisins on the kid's chair so she picked them up and popped them in her mouth.  Then she realised they weren't raisins. Yay! Little sheepy type poops, with love from yer child.  *erk*  I remember thinking at the time "good thing I don't eat raisins"


Foolish foolish words from a Delusional Girl.  

My downfall happened like this: Monkey was in his carseat, I had given him a vegemite sandwich when we left home, when we got to school he was a little cranky looking at his fingers and wiggling them. I noticed he had stuff that looked like mushed up vegemite sandwich on his hands, so I jumped back and licked them clean - as I have done with all my kids when we're out & about as it's easier than carrying wipes (altho I still carry them too. weird).  And here's the moment folks that it hit me.....as I withdrew his hand from my mouth I noticed yellowish brown flecks on his leg too, and his hand went down to his pants.... 

Yup.  Poos in his nappy.  *shudder* irk.

I can laugh a little now. Now that I have wiped my mouth out with a wet wipe, spat on the car park concrete, chewed on a mint, and drunk a glass of wine!  In my defence it didn't taste or smell of poo, or anything else for that matter, so it coulda been the smushed up sandwich, but I'll never know for sure. 

Me on the way to Zumba Mon Evening. 

 

 

And that's what'll haunt me folks. The not knowing if I ate shit. The possibility that I did. 

The things you will do for your child. I knew I'd be doing a lot. I never thought I would eat shit.   :O/

Too busy

Hey there,   no news today....I've been too busy surfing websites!   ;OD

I found this one (altho someone has pointed it out to me a while ago) I have spent a large portion of today (inbetween doing stuff for kids and house) reading back over all the posts and watching the little vids.

 


If you're a mum you will *hopefully* find it funny, just remember to read the banner at top of page - it's SATIRE PEOPLE!!


Enjoy!    :OD

One wee story then,  Monkey was having his bedtime feed and Captain Awesome wanted to vacuum coz I had a friend coming over (she wouldn't have minded I'm sure).  Anyways, we know Monkey likes the vacuum so I moved us to the bedroom to finish feed. I forgot to shut the door..... dumbass. 


The cupboard that holds the vacuum is across the hall from our room. The child heard the vacuum being pulled from the cupboard and got off the breast.  I resettled him, but then he heard it start up and pulled off again, this time standing up on the bed and chatting, looking at the now closed door excitied. I pulled him down to finish the feed....it didn't last long.  He was away out the room to watch and wave his arms in the thrill of that which is the vacuum cleaner.

This morning one of the Dynamic Duo got the broom out (they use it to fetch toys from under the couch) and I came out of shower to see this.....
A boy with his favourite toy.  So Cute  :OD

yes it's official I'm crazy

It's a beautiful sunny day and I've esentially locked my kids inside watching tv.

To be fair, I got burnt yesterday when watching them in the paddling pool (not a lot burnt thankfully, and they seem to be ok), and I know that if I let them out they will happily play in the ice cold water for hours hot sun be damned!

So this is me being a good parent, shutting them in.

Also, to add to the crazy diagnosis I have been thinking lately about my life, as one does, trying to work out why I feel so BLARGH a lot of the time. why little things make me crazy (see monday's post)...

I was out at the Hutt Association AGM last night, surrounded by these amazing people who are all so passionate about Playcentre being a great thing that they have dedicated a large amount of their time to making it be a better place, a greater thing.  This is awesome.  Coming home in the car listening (and singing along)  to Brooke Fraser I realised that she is also very passionate about what she does. Maybe this is what is missing from my life at the moment?

Chatting with a friend yesterday we touched on the fact that being at home with kids, providing for their everyday kids can be a job that doesn't feel like you are contributing to things. You get to the end of the day feeling like you haven't "done" anything. Which was what I was trying to explain to myself with an earlier post, I "do" soooo much in a day, I am perpetually busy, have things on my To Do List that never seem to go away no matter how often I complete the task. Yet I feel dissatisfied. I feel like I have no purpose.

I am no use to anyone in this state that's for sure.

So what am I passionate about?  Getting women better birth stories = midwifery.  Anyone who knows me well knows not to start a conversation about birthing stuffs, coz I have strong opinions (from my own experience and from people I have met), and I WILL SHARE THEM!   I also love books - I am happy and peacful in the library. I have to restrain myself from getting more out whenever I visit. I love the sound of opening a new book, when the spine gives that little creak, the smell, the feel of the pages....I love to lose myself in the story even if it is a badly written cheap trashy romance novel.  A friend recently got a parttime job at our local library, as excited as I was for her I realised I was *jealous* too!!


So that leaves the other thing I am passionate about - Playcentre.  I cannot imagine my life without it, even when it drives me mental - like Captain Awesome Pants, he is wonderful but no always easy to live with (mind you, neither am I!).  I cannot imagine my children with out Playcentre. They have gained so much, learnt so much, grown so much thanks to all the wonderful people, adults and children, who we have met over the last 10 years. I also could not imagine them in any other environment, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that my big kids still have a place at Playcentre, even though we no longer attend the same one they went to. And they love Playcentre too.  It's a beautiful thing. 


I know there is no way to quantify all that our family has gained from Playcentre, although we do often count how much I have given - my time; my energy; my time when I am already tired; when my kids, my husband needs me too.  I do know without a doubt that it has all been worth it, and that my heart is there. Playcentre feels like home to me in so many ways.

So to that end, I am adding to my crazy hectic life by putting myself forward to be a part of the Association team.  I'm not so sure of the details yet. I was asked if I wanted to be secretary,  my pedant heart loves to get all those things into place, I like order.  As I said the AGM was last night, the previous secretary stepped down, but I have a child with Developmental Delay who starts school next year who will need some settling, and stuff.  So I'm not quite sure how it will work, but I have asked for the job description, we'll go from there.  If it makes me happier, and therefore nicer to be around for Captain and the clan, then the busy-ness it brings will be for the good.


And that's all that's really important.  :OD

Post Script

So, um Captain Awesome Pants was a little hesitant that I post what I wrote yesterday.  He is usually right. 

But as you can see I posted anyways.... If I have offended it was not my intent. 

I started blogging so that I could vent about my life. My feelings, reactions are part of that. 

My only thoughts as to why I may have over reacted (if some see it as such), was that it's been 10 years that I have been watching these things....

And I know with hindsight, and time to think relax step back from things, that what I said didn't allow for those who suffer from PND, or other such things that parents do suffer from. I wasn't aiming my thoughts at these people. 

I don't think I was aiming my thoughts at anyone in particular, I was just releasing.  I also was not trying to say that I am a good parent, that I love my children all the time, and wish to be round them all day long.  For then I would be a Fucken Liar!  

I know I don't have my shit together as a parent  and probably would beneift from some "time away for me" but it just doesn't seem to happen for me. Maybe I'm jealous.  I have other coping mechanisms - be they good or bad, probably bad.  *sigh*

Anyways as a follow up to yesterday (yeah yeah yeah I know I only just posted - pesky real life meant I ran out of time yesterday. it was meant for yesterday!) I just wanted to clarify that altho my post was terribly judgemental, unforgiving, unrealistic and not very nice to some  It was simply My Need To Vent My Spleen. 

I will aim for Sweetness and Light tomorrow. 

Don't hold you're breath tho, you know me....not so much the Miss Mary Sunshine  :OP

What happened?!

"Difficult not to feel a little bit, disappointed...hmm passed over......and you don't see me"

"Here I am expecting just a little bit, hmm, too much from the wounded.  But I see, see thru it all, see thru, see you."

"ah well, apparently nothing. Apparently nothing at all" 


"You don't, you don't, you don't see me"


So today some things happened that got me angry, and when all the rest of my meeting and such were out the way I came to write here, after stewing thinking about why I reacted so strongly.  I put on my "angry music" which I haven't listened to in a long while, years in fact (I had to dig it out of a box in the garage!)  This was the first track, and I thought how funny that it reflects kinda what I was feeling....  listen here's the full track

Now I know, you hear what you want to, I know that there is no way the dude is singing about the issue that I'm having (and I will get to it) but, still,  interesting..... if nothing else, interesting that my angry music from years ago, can still be relevant today.  Life is weird like that.


Here's the thing.....when did parenting change such that we as parents have our children only to foist them off as soon as we can for someone else to care for them???


When did it become too hard to give up 5 years for another person, in such formative years?  When did we get so selfish that it was too hard to give that time to someone else who never asked to exist, and is reliant on us for alltheir needs to be met? Or should be able to rely on their parents....


What changed in my generation that it has become too hard to give of ourselves? For that is what parenting is.  And I get about difficult children, fuck, trust me  I know difficult children. We have so much, we have things so much easier - we have internet so we don't have to be alone even if geographically we have no family near; we have friends for those who don't get on with family; we have so many labour saving devices - I have a breadmaker, washing machine, a dryer, a vacuum cleaner, a telephone, a cell phone, a food processor....the list goes on. I make my own bread, laundry powder, hand soap - but I CHOOSE to. I don't have to.


Same goes for being at home with my children while they are young - I CHOOSE to. I am blessed that I can choose to. I get that. And this is not about stay at home mums versus working mums. I know for some women there isn't a choice. It's work or don't eat. 


My anger, my frustration, my disappointment today is those people who choose to be at home with their kids and then wimp out. Fuck it I know it's not an easy job!

I get how being at home with kids can be hard work. I have six kids, from age 11 1/2 - 17months.  I have been at home with  them for 12 years now. And I am ok with that. Most days. Fuckit, I have bad days where I just wanna stay in bed, introduce me to someone who doesn't have such days and I'll introduce you to a liar.  I am so fucken fortunate that Captain Awesome Pants has been in steady employment all this time, employment that has paid enough that I haven't had to work.

That's not my beef. 

I am a Playcentre parent, a New Zealand fucken initiated option for preschoolers that was started by mothers like me - women who wanted the best possible education for their littlies while allowing them the freedom that is the right of every child, and support for them as parents, families.  It is something that supports the whole family. It is a place that prepares children not just for school, but for life - giving them skills that will last a lifetime, in a nuturing inclusive environment that is reflective of village life of old. An enviroment that some, many kids don't get any more now that we as a society move away from our families, declare that we can do our own thing, without the help and guidance of our Kaumatua, our elders, those who have gone before, see it all before and MAYBE HAVE A FUCKEN CLUE WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT as we flounder....

This is what bugs me most though, for a New Zealand initiative it is so overwhelming undervalued, unknown, underappreciated, and dissed. I have been with Playcentre for 10 years, I have met many children, parents and families in that time. I can appreciate that everyone has different philosphies for how they wish to raise their young - and that is good. That is how it should be - And Playcentre doesn't negate that, it encourages it!!

The number of people I have met as I raise my children to be the best people they can be (and we have yet to see if I have succeeded!!) who DO NOT KNOW WHAT PLAYCENTRE IS continues to astound me. People who do not know that PLAYCENTRE IS A VIABLE FULL PRESCHOOL OPTION, that FULLY prepares children for school, even from within Playcentre circles, hurts my heart.

I have watched my children make wonderful friendships round the playdough table, in the sandpit, on the swings and at the morning tea table only to lose them when their parent decides their child needs a "peer group" - the family dynamic of different ages working side by side is so much more natural. Do we only talk to people our age as adults? "I'm 34, I can't talk to you as you are 37"  that's fucking absurd.

Again, I know that everyone has a different family dynamic, and sometimes issues outside our control force a change of circumstances and we have to move on, make choices we didn't have to, so that we can eat.  This is not what bugs me

What gets my knickers in a knot, and I am aware I'm talking from my heart, my head, and possibly being unfair, being judgemental, BUT for the at home mums who need "space" from their children?  Harden the fuck up.  You are not alone. It is hard. Who said parenting wouldn't be heartbreaking? It starts with LABOUR!! you're in the wrong job if you expect it to be an easy, uplifting, enhancing, not fucken draining thing - it can be all those things to be sure, but you are giving of yourself for another being's well being - it's not gonna be easy.

That said oh Holy Mother of Fuck I get the need to get away. I do. I have 6 fucken kids. I think it makes me angry that these people have 2 kids and "need space"  pfffft   and you know what? I can get space at Playcentre, yeah it's not for as long as at kindy or daycare, but then I chose to be AT HOME WITH MY KIDS. If they need me I want to be here for them, because in such a short time I know they may not want to crawl into bed with me when they get a nightmare, cuddle on the couch while we watch tv, or play silly games while feeding grinning and giggling.  Why would I want to get away from someone who brings me such joy?!

I choose to be at home for the 5 short years my young ones are growing to independance (and yeah I know each child adds to those 5 years) and it hurts my heart when they lose friends, adults and children.  I will get my break in 17 years (fingers crossed) when Monkey spreads his wings....

Exciting things happen on fridays!!

If you're a 3 year old boy that is.

Last week it was a rubbish truck. This week it's a digger driving back and forth on our street. It's noisy as hell - I don't think caterpillar tracks were designed for use on asphalt. For the 3 young boys who hang out here on a friday morning it's exciting stuff though despite the noise.  They (two friends aged nearly 3 & 19 mths; & Monkey 16mths) come running when I open the gates to see what the noise is - hands up covering their ears, big grins on their faces.

And there we stand, on the pavement, watching the worked dude do his thing. Moving road cones, picking up the extra scoops, then driving past us r-e-a-l slow. He parked just past our house, so they were able to have a closer look!! 

Monkey watches approaching digger

Oh, look!! it's the rubbish truck again....by this time though we're back inside playing with toys. 

Later....once the Dynamic Duo had been returned (in exchange for the kids I was watching) the worker dudes loaded the digger up onto the truck. So we sat and watched that happen, with LOTS of questions. Most of which came from SirTalksALot. Most of which also started with "why are they......??" 


Thankfully the noise from the truck starting up drove them inside. 


Also I have cinnamon swirls  Nom Nom Nom  *drool*   in the oven for eats. So the day ends a lot happier than it started for me....with a headache.   Enjoy your weekend!!  :OD
 

<--- Monkey was checking out the digger, but got distracted by a flower instead.... he's not my child much!!  oohh look, SHINY!!  :O)

where do you go to my lovelies.....?

Gah. Somehow this week I was so busy living that I didn't have time/energy to blog.

And now, having not been on any form of social media -crazy I know!- for 2 days I seem to have lost my ability to type!!  ugh.

<--- This is me dressed for chasing after lunatic children wandering around looking at animals.

This is me dressed for Playcentre session, and evening meetings --->

Monday was good. Now that I can look back at it. At the time it was exhausting hence the no blog, I had to sleep in the afternoon to recover. We had a Playcentre trip to a very cool animal place nearby. I'm not gonna name it, coz those who know our area will work it out, but I might, no I probably will, say some negative stuff and they don't need the bad press. It's not that the place itself is bad, it's not. It's a great place,   just not so much for those of us with kids who like to run ahead unattended.  It's a place with animals, water and bridges. Oh yeah, did I meantion the water? unfenced water.

So, here's some of the things we got up to, inbetween racing around after excited kids, attempting to keep them safe and coming home exhausted!!

There are ducks, geeses, chickens, swans, kunekune pigs, kea, doves, goldfish, rabbits, guinea pigs, little baby ducklings in an incubatory light thingy, peacocks for Africa, trout to feed, birds in avaries, more chickens, lambs, donkeys, a Clydesdale horse, goats, a cow, more pigs (Auckland Island this time I think), more birds in an enclosure you walk thru (like the kea and first bird avary - crap how do you spell the singluar of avaries?),  a river to throw rocks in, peacocks, a swing bridge, baby deer so cute, they found a tiny bridge they could have fallen off so easy but thankfully didn't, lambs, more rabbits, more goldfish and turtles.  It was awesomely cool. They were super excited.  Poor Monkey was desperate to get out of the pram and look, touch, pet, eat stuff.  Letting him go was simply more than I could cope with. 

Peacocks in the carpark - dinner anyone?? 

SirTalksALot by the *first* pool of death duck pond

And catching goldfish

Oh look, a wharf across a deep pond. Great idea!! :O/ Ginger Ninja running ahead

Swing bridge...(kids have already run ahead)

Over river to throw rocks in. That I learnt this year Ninja was fished out of last year by another group there at time. Coz he ran ahead. This is partly why I find visiting here lovely but stressful. I know, I know, I worry too much. Silly of  me.

This dude held us up for a good ten minutes (the kids were occupied with a train like wagon on a train like track they could push back and forth thankfully!). This crazy dude kept turning his back to me (and the other adult with our group) and shaking his arse feathers.  He wasn't the only peacock to do this to us either. What can I say? I'm fucken attractive to birds.

The funniest bit was this peahen totally ignoring him!!

So that was my monday. Tuesday I was racing round visiting friends I haven't seen in a while, while the elder ones were at school.  This was good, great even, but again tiring.  Big Nap. Early night for me on tuesday night.  

And then, wed. stoopid computer.  :O/

But now, I'm back, and hopefully I will have energy to be witty and informative again.

Well, at least I will make more effort for those who are tuning in regularly to write Something!!  :OD

craptastic

ah hell. I have just spent the better part of the last hour or two writing up why I haven't posted in the last coupla days and what the crazies have been keeping me busy with.

and of course, then the page goes and fucks itself and loses half of it.

I will finish it...it's shaping up nicely. or it was. 

poos.

so I will have to come back to this tale as it's time to go get me some more of these of mine......

Some days it feels like these are my kids....altho with an extra little one  :O/